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Every single one of us has an internal family system however most people won't understand when a part of them all of a sudden takes over i.e. when we have road rage or we binge eat.
Our internal system is made up of different parts of us that for some just have roles such as the caretake or the people pleaser. I prefer to create an identity for each part usually through age, name and understand what they look like and what they need from you.
Each part will have a place they live in your body and behave in a certain way with some parts having different allergies or food preferences to other parts.
Each part in your system will either be an Exile (vulnerable part) Firefighter (protector part) Manager (Keep things running smoothly)
In all parts work we always ensure the inner child is included as the role of all parts of you is ultimatley to create balance with the self (your true authentic self) being the inner parent to your system.
If you think of the game whack -a -mole then the job of self is to ensure that all parts work together well.
What is Internal Family Systems?
What are Exiles?
Exiles are the vulnerable parts of you that are responsible for how you feel.
They can be various ages with your Inner Child being an exile. The role of protectors is to keep these parts of you safe.
Exiles will use statements like I don't feel good enough, I am unlovable, I don't feel worthy, I am broken or I feel tired when they have been activated within your system.
A happy exile is one that allows you to feel excited and full of joy and will once healed (or integrated) no longer be an issue in your system.
Who are Protectors?
Protectors are the firefighters in your system whose job is to put out the fire as fast as they can.
Ultimately they are the first point of call for your inner child or an exile in your system and as soon as they sense distress they will use methods such as dissociation, phone scrolling, addictions or any other way to numb your system.
Roles associated with protectors are ones that blame others, are impulsive, Angry, addictive or use distraction techniques.
Working with protectors in your system is about understanding, listening to them and ultimately moving them into calmer roles in the future.
What Do Managers Do?
Managers are another part of you that protects exiles or your inner child.
They will have roles like the perfectionist, inner critic, anxious and workaholic who can be an over achiever and controlling.
They are second inline and will more structured and allow you to feel like your in charge when actually they potentially have blended with or can flood your system and at times taken over your life.
Working with managers in your system comes from time spent in a compassionate way understanding that it is only because you are not strong as the self that they step in.
Time is the greatest asset when it comes to working with managers who ultimately look to create structure and balance in your system.
